Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
