I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
