I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
