i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
