I'm gonna have a badass scar
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
