I just made out with a guy for $7.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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