i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
