If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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