My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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