i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
