I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
