Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
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He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
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I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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