you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
They have beer where we have blood.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
