It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
