Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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