And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.