well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole