...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven