i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.