You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Semen is not good for contacts.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
