Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
