He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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