I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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