Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Where is the hickey?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
