Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
