Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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