The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
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this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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