Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
