Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
