i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
