We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
