there was a trapeze. enough said
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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