Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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