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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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