All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
