I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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