I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
