Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
sarcasm needs its own font
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
