Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
