Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
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On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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