U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
