She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
