you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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