there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
