Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
