I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
