So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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