you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
