He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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