Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Pants are for mortals
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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