i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
