Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
