i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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