Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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