had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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