you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
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I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
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Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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