i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
