do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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