I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Mom said you looked used
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
