I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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