so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
