I only kidnapped one of them. chill
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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