Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
