ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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