Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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