My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
