The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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