So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
