An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
