My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
