We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
