When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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