Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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