I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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